I am a missing piece. Something that someone needs.
But at the same time, I feel so incomplete.
I’ve wandered way too far, wondered for far too long
Am I a missing piece? Or a piece that won’t belong?
Is it possible I’m damaged and not missing at all?
That I’m just as dysfunctional as everybody else?
Pretending to be perfect never softened a single fall.
But neither did admitting that you’re broken and flawed.
A broken missing piece. Is that all I’m meant to be?
There is no master plan that includes the likes of me.
Being all alone, it’s a hurt that will not cease.
A hundred thousand years from now
I am darkness personified.
An abyss so drenched in black
That it leaves me
Horrified.
My heart is a facade
It’s a useless beating lie
Because I've never felt a thing
Except for dead inside.
It’s a war I wage
Inside of my ribcage
That kills me a little more
Every.
Single.
Day.
I like to pretend too
That somewhere beneath the pain
There’s a way I can break through
But I already know…
Things will never be the same.
I lost absolutely everything
I can’t apologize enough
That I didn’t know who to be
When you said that you needed me
My scars are like chains
That keep me from falling apart
Completely.
All I ever wanted was to
Be someone who mattered
Charged with your attention
Demanding my encounter
Even with all these ambitions
Finding who I’m meant to be
Gauging my conviction is
Harder when I’m suffering
I almost thought I’d won
Just to fall under your shadow
Killing in the dark
Lets you win a losing battle
My last won’t be your first
Not by any means
Open wounds are still what hurts
Petty as it seems
Quietly I draw my breath
Resisting as I fade away
Secretly I’m wondering
To whom is it I owe my death?
Upon a realization
Victorious you grin
What is it you’re saying?
Xeric like a desert
You say, &
It doesn't matter to you
If I'm your hundred thousandth pageview
Or your billionth subscriber
Or the first to ever follow
Which is kind of hard to swallow
When every fiber of my being
Is continuously screaming
I hate you.
Well, maybe not hate…
But I do envy you.
Because you're what people want.
You're who they gave a chance.
You're who they want to know.
You are discovered.
And all I get is swept under the rug.
So the next time you need me to propel your popularity
I'll be right here
Already envying you.